Name: Ivan Lim (ah boy)
Age: 20 years old
Date of Birth: July17 1987
Horoscope Sign: cancer
Current school:
Nafa [theatre student]
Email me:
allaboutivan@hotmail.com
Fav
swimming , tanning
gaming , chatting
Going to the gym
and sleeping
dislike
my anger , sluts
those who spill secrets
* its quite hard to make me dislike something you must have done some serious shit
wish list
- shopping spree [ ]
- PS 3 [ ]
- more underwears [ ]
- I want hair back [X]
click for a bigger view
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Click on it for a bigger view 
Monday, September 22, 2008
You're the bravest of hearts, When the storm rises up, You can sleep in my arms, When the storm rises up, Through the wind and the rain,
So many things happen I never did know where to start. Let me start when I was 12, my first sexual contact. It all first happen when I was on my way home from school. I fell I hurt myself, so this nice person came and help me. Of cos I was happy. “Duh” someone actually cares of cos I was happy. But everything turns nasty. She started touching me everywhere and I really mean it. What happens next is something I don’t want to think about. But all I am going to say is there was blood. I went home get beaten up as usual, and when the found out I torn my uniform I was beaten up again. Bathing hurts like hell and I need to put plaster at the places the person scratch me and cut me at.
My childhood really affected my teenage life. I was so full of problems and really struggling with life then. Even though I had friends, I never told anyone anything. I was so used to hiding and keeping the pain to myself, when one of my beloved grandfather pass away I could now cry. You people think it’s good. But have you ever tried feeling the same pain when u did crying, but I could not cry at all. Crying is a way of relieving the pain. I can’t cry and the pain stays, its buried deep inside me.
This is the other part of the previous story before 14.
I was never supposed to be born. I was nothing but a mistake to my parents. i even wonder who is the my real father? The one in my birth cert I don’t think its my real father. When I was a baby no one really wanted me, I was a burden and a matter that is not supposes to exist in the first place. This is the first chapter of my story. All written are 100% fact from my memories. I think I better write them down before I fade away. The earliest memory I ever had was a slap on my face, I was like nursery than. I studied at Children now days being hit by a cane or 3 canes the say they are suffering, some how I really wish I got hit by a cane or 3 canes. Minor punishments will be punching my hands and chest. Middle punishments will be using the belt or rods to strangle and smack me. Major punishments will be using those office type roller chairs and m medium folding tables to hit my head and neck area. Please do keep in mind that I was 9 and below. The reason I survive is thanks to my grandfather. He will always help me with wounds and bathing me. Giving me medications and water in case I blackout. By the age of 12 vomiting blood is nothing but a common sight in my daily routine. People say I deserve it because I was naughty. But I will really wish to know what did I ever do that is so bad that I deserve that? The hitting and torturing kept going till I was 14 after that was another story... …
Haha i really don't know what to say here but here goes:
1. I can be very mischievous sometime.
[what is life without fun right?]
2. I love to sing.
3. I am always smiling, and like to make people smile
4. One of my motto is "smile always"
5. I am really very friendly and i welcome all to chat
6. I don't wear a mask. [I am not fake]
7. I do admit i can be quite irritating.
[I love chatting is it a sin?]
8. I love theater
9. I am taking a full time diploma course in theater arts
10. I cam be quite stubborn cos I will always believe what i believe in. [I always get the job done, even if it kills me]
smiles
5:25 PM
smiles? my motto is "smiles always". I can smile without fail if i wanted to in any situations, weather i am sad, angry, jealous, heartbroken or depress. To some people it may be very good. I may have told some people some secrets, but who can be there for me to really share my everything. Behind all my smiles and laughter i am slowly dying. I am being torn apart. I am trying to let go but its very hard.
Just like the moon who always shows her most beautiful side and keep all the scars and wounds on her back. Dear moon how are you able to smile always? I am bleeding within me, it hurts it hurts so badly, yet all i can do to make it feel better is smile and laugh. Only a few is able to tell behind my smiles and laughter.
Who will take this pain away once more? who will bring me true smiles again? That tingle tingle feeling that tickles me. That feeling that brightens up my face and bring colors to my life. I have found someone like that but will he accept me? I wonder, if i open up once again will i get hurt?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow
5:37 PM
I love this
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Do you wanna go?
9:13 PM
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES (Celine Dion)
1:07 PM
You're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark,
You're the place I call home
You can say it's all right,
But I know that you're
Breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night
Afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there
When the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart,
Every day without end
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give,
If that's what it takes
If that's what it takes
You don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out,
Baby, whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you
When the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When your smile like the sun
That shines through the pain
That's why I'll be there
When the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart,
Every day without end
I will stand like a rock,
I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give,
If that's what it takes
I will risk everything,
I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life,
If that's what you need
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make Baby, that's what I'll give,
If that's what it takes
Through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up,
When the wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart,
My body, my soul
I will hold on all night
And never let go
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give,
If that's what it takes
That's When I Love You - Aslyn
1:00 PM
If u doubt listen to this.
thats all i have to say
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
My story [teenage] part 2
11:39 PM
The next sexual contact was actually during my secondary days. I will not say names because it was really by accident that it happens that he did take responsibility and we got attach for 3yrs plus so it’s ok.
My story [teenage]
10:57 PM
I had a huge depression over the time at my secondary school days. I keep gaining and loosing weight like crazy. The gastric pains I had feel like giving birth. I never did really smile, yes I did smile but I was not happy. I smile because I was needed to during those days. Life was crazy.
This is suppose to be the brighter part.
My story [child] part 2
10:35 PM
If you readers think my life was bad, here is the other part of it. Whenever I get beatings my granny will wake the whole family and open the main door all the windows so everyone can hear it. My dad will sometimes get drunk and wake me up like 3am in a school night just to hit me. If I get even a single mistake he will hit me like 20-30 times on my hands for each mistake.
My granny will than tell everyone in the block that I am such a bad boy and how I deserve all of it. My dad will make sure he hit me at places where all can see. Than when the teacher asks he will say its me who am fighting with other kids. But the truth is he hits me, my granny tells the whole world and the parents will tell the kids not to hang out with me. So where do friends come from? Before the age of 14 I did not manage to watch TV for more than 2 hrs a week. Those 2hrs is when I was at my mom’s place. In my father’s home if I dare to watch I will hit till I was blackout.
At this time I have learned not to cry when scolded keep voice at min when being hit. It is best to hold your breath till you blackout because the pain will stop. In front of the world of strangers I am suppose to smile and act like nothing have happen and when ask by social workers or police, say that’s its my fault and I fought with friends. If I told the truth I don’t think I will have a home or even survive till now. The truth is that really did not sound bad at all.
Who will know my pain, I know there are people worst than me out there. But still, who will understand me? Who will accept me? Who will be there?
Guess I am finally convinced that I really don’t deserve to be treated nice at all. Good thing never happen to me, people say I am nice, people say I am too much a good boyfriend and I deserve better. But I don’t care what I deserve; all I want is someone to show me what it feels like to be loved by someone special.
My story [child]
10:09 PM
Heart
9:38 PM
The light that was given to the moon to shine so beautifully in the night sky has been taken away, the sky that hangs the moon like a pendent across its neck has been torn. The sky is falling and yet the moon still hangs on tight and refusing to give up. The moon will grab on and still shining for you till it fades away with the sky. But mean time the light that was blessed upon me by you will still shy for only you till it's last breath.
Sorry it might not be much and might not be as bright as the other light. I know my sky is not as beautiful as the other sky. This moon may not be the brightest or even worth looking. But this fading moon is very happy to be able to have someone sitting under it's sky. You have given this moon a reason to shine, you have given this sky its stars. You have given this sky clouds of beautiful melodies. Even thought all has been taken back, this sky still holds on to the feeling of all those music your heart had sang to this sky.
This sky will not rain, but this sky will give you its gift with its reminding strength. This shy will present you the rainbow. So no matter how much it has crack this sky will present it's moon with a rainbow across itself.
Just like the moon the beautiful side and its light is always shining for you. Protecting you.
小龙
9:26 PM
Life has faded away...
My blue skies have turned to gray...
There's just no easy way to say...
I'm sorry...
There's days I wasn't there for you...
And even if I wanted to...
I still can't get over you...
So I just want to say, I'm sorry...
Perhaps there might be...
Some way for you and me...
To be together,
But for now, I'm sorry...
If I love you too much,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME,
if every second I long for you touch,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME,
do not hold a hate in your heart,
and always know I also hurt when were apart,
But I always will and still do,
I will forever love you!!!!!!!!
Happenning
7:00 PM
Today during singing class I sang Titanic "My heart will go on", when I was standing up there in front of my class and teacher all I could see is you. When the first note came out of my mouth, I felt the lyrics. My heart and voice came together. During i was singing I really felt your presence and your love. I realize how much I love you and how much I miss you. I love you more than I even know. When I finished singing a tear rolled down my eye, the first tear I felt in years. This tear was so happy, this tear is nothing but pure love towards you. I have never felt this way before. I have never cry for anyone. This tear is not sad, but rather I love you. . .
ELTON JOHN -YOUR SONG
1:33 AM
This is something to show you my support for your tapping, and my heart for you.
Party
1:24 AM
A haze. Smoke coils, shifting silhouettes, everyone an outline. Drifting through an atmosphere of spirits, high and alcoholic. Music so loud you can only hear its heartbeat, in time with your feet. Bright lights, harsh sounds; no definition. Staggering towards, embracing, tossing aside, your oblivion. Maybe after another drink. Watch that patch; a reminder of those that didn't make it. Mingle, pretend to hear whatever's said by whoever's aimed at you. And above all, maintain the illusion you're sober.