If you readers think my life was bad, here is the other part of it. Whenever I get beatings my granny will wake the whole family and open the main door all the windows so everyone can hear it. My dad will sometimes get drunk and wake me up like 3am in a school night just to hit me. If I get even a single mistake he will hit me like 20-30 times on my hands for each mistake.

My granny will than tell everyone in the block that I am such a bad boy and how I deserve all of it. My dad will make sure he hit me at places where all can see. Than when the teacher asks he will say its me who am fighting with other kids. But the truth is he hits me, my granny tells the whole world and the parents will tell the kids not to hang out with me. So where do friends come from? Before the age of 14 I did not manage to watch TV for more than 2 hrs a week. Those 2hrs is when I was at my mom’s place. In my father’s home if I dare to watch I will hit till I was blackout.

At this time I have learned not to cry when scolded keep voice at min when being hit. It is best to hold your breath till you blackout because the pain will stop. In front of the world of strangers I am suppose to smile and act like nothing have happen and when ask by social workers or police, say that’s its my fault and I fought with friends. If I told the truth I don’t think I will have a home or even survive till now. The truth is that really did not sound bad at all.

Who will know my pain, I know there are people worst than me out there. But still, who will understand me? Who will accept me? Who will be there?

Guess I am finally convinced that I really don’t deserve to be treated nice at all. Good thing never happen to me, people say I am nice, people say I am too much a good boyfriend and I deserve better. But I don’t care what I deserve; all I want is someone to show me what it feels like to be loved by someone special.